


Memento Mori

by WitchhunterArchivalProject



Series: Ars Moriendi [1]
Category: Darkest Dungeon (Video Game), Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover, Other, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-10 21:10:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8939440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchhunterArchivalProject/pseuds/WitchhunterArchivalProject
Summary: I have long since tired of attending to Miki Sayaka. As a human she was largely insignificant if one didn't consider her friendship with Kaname Madoka, and as a magical girl her fate always fell into a simple pattern. Make a vague and indirect wish, then die or fall into despair. Not once had she made a wish different in anything but phrasing, and not once had the outcome been different. So why isn't she where she should be? Why do plans that had been consistent across years of efforts now fall apart? Most of all, why does Miki Sayaka look at me with such pity?Things had seemed strange the first time I set foot in that god-forsaken hamlet. When I stepped into the halls of that castle I did so to atone, and when I died I had thought to find myself in the hell I deserved. Instead I found myself on that cold and ragged tavern bed. I had thought it merely a nightmare, and myself insane, when I first found my own severed head in a bag. After uncountable deaths, I still ask myself one question above all others: Is this God's punishment, or something far darker? With my companions I hope to find peace or, at least, an answer.This AU is being rebooted.





	1. Chapter -1: An Unusual Wish

    If Sayaka had to decide what moment most contributed to the rapid shift in direction her life  
had taken, she would have to say it was the lecture from Sakura Kyouko.  
  
    "Listen, Miki-chan," Sakura had begun. "If you're going to make a wish you're going to suffer.  
If you do make a wish anyway, make it a selfish one. Mami-san was one of the best for more reasons than  
just skill. Even though she hated it, the selfishness of her wish made her strong. She ended up dead,  
and you clearly despise me, so you might want to take me seriously when I say the contract isn't worth  
it. If you want to be happy, you're better off not making a wish at all. Especially if you'd make a  
stupid wish for a stupid boy. Wish for yourself."  
  
  
    That had been the first and, so far, last conversation Sayaka and Sakura had finished without  
coming to blows. Not that it was ever even close, the strength of a human being insignificant compared  
to even a novice magical girl. Sayaka remembered the conversation vividly, especially now as she lay  
slumped against the wall of the hospital. One of the staff had come out earlier to check on her, but  
Sayaka had made some excuse. She could hardly remember now. Perhaps that was the problem. The  
conversation with Sakura was perhaps the only important thing in recent times she'd managed to force  
inside her foolish skull. All the evidence had been there. Gifts on Kyosuke's table that Sayaka had  
never given him, gossip about the school (even about Sayaka and her friends) which she had never had the  
time to tell him. Even when Hitomi had told her outright, Sayaka had managed to convince herself it was  
a joke. She was an idiot. A stupid girl who would have made a stupid wish for a stupid boy, just like  
Sakura had said. Biting back what could have been a sob or a growl, Sayaka slammed her hand against  
the side of the hospital. Once again she left without visiting Kyosuke. She hadn't managed to talk to  
him or Hitomi without making a fool of herself since before she had known.  
  
  
    So maybe she should make a different wish, a selfish one. Something to make sure she'd never do  
something this stupid again. She walked to her house, barely feeling the cold, as she ran through  
phrasing in her mind. Sakura, for all the problems Sayaka had with her, seemed to be the most  
confident of all the magical girls. Far more so than Tomoe, Sakura's admitted better. She could  
make a wish for Kyosuke to love her, far more direct than her usual idea, but that was the wrong kind of  
"selfish" and left a bad taste in her mouth besides. Perhaps to make herself the kind of girl Kyosuke  
would love? Ha, as if the world needed another backstabbing snake like Hitomi had --.  
  
  
    No, that attitude wasn't helping. The wish wouldn't work if she didn't believe in it, but  
nothing had said she had to be upset when she made it. Sayaka took a long shower, long enough for the  
water to run cold, before she had something that felt truly satisfying in her mind. She dried herself  
off and dressed before sitting down to write it out in many different phrasings. Hours later, long after  
she should have been asleep, she felt ready.  Of course, Sayaka hadn't been asleep at a proper time in  
nearly a month. She forced herself to lie down, anxious as she was. Despite her instincts screaming at  
her to do something, anything, to fix this, Sayaka forced herself to be patient. After all, acting as  
  
she had been was foolish, much as it galled her to admit Sakura was right. Her hot-blooded determination  
to ignore logic was what had gotten her into this mess in the first place. So Miki Sayaka slept, not  
quite restfully, until she awoke just after four in the morning. Hardly a full night's sleep, but she  
could hold herself at bay no more.  
  
  
    "Kyubey," she whispered out her window, into the darkness. "I'm ready to make my contract."  
A few moments that, in her agitated state, felt more like hours passed, until the small creature sat on  
her windowsill. It spoke expressionlessly, voicelessly, directly into her soul in that way which was at  
once convienient and decidedly repulsive.  
  
    "Sayaka, what wish will make your soul gem shine?" It asked, in the exact same phrasing it had  
used the first time. As if it hadn't been affected my Tomoe's death at all. If Sakura was to be  
believed, it wasn't. Once again Sayaka was struck by her own ignorance. How had she trusted this thing  
beyond the contract? How had she found it cute? Swallowing her disgust, she looked at the paper. Her  
intent and wording both had to be perfect.  
  
    "I wish to think, reason, and remember to the greatest degree my soul allows this wish to  
progress, without ever again forgetting or ignoring any important information, regardless of context,  
circumstance, or emotional imbalance."  
  
    "The contract is complete," Kyubey replied, the last words before Sayaka's mind was overtaken by  
the most extreme and complete pain she had ever experienced. She lay, panting, on her bed. Her eyes  
briefly focused on the brilliant blue gem before her, before she was interrupted from her thoughts.  
  
    "Sayaka, that wish was of a very different type from what we had expected you to make. There's  
no need to worry; the contract was a complete success. However, most magical girls have wished to change  
the present or the immediate future. Such an indefinite and long-term wish as yours may have  
complications."  
  
  
    Sayaka would have responded, but she was overwhelmed by a seemingly minor detail. A fingernail  
mark. She had one. Sakura had one. Tomoe had one when she was alive. But there was one more. The  
transfer student, Akemi Homura. She supposed her wish had worked, given how well it had redirected her  
thoughts. It was somewhat shocking. Already, she found it hard to tell exactly how she had thought  
before. Had she always been like this, or was she only beginning to change?  
  
    "Kyubey, I had always assumed the fingernail tattoos were some kind of fad. I wasn't aware you  
had contracted with Akemi Homura," Sayaka said, partly to distract herself and partly to appease the  
sudden urge she had to follow the thought. Once again, she wondered if she had ever been so single-  
minded about anything other than Kyosuke. The bitterness welling up in her stomach faded as she  
listened to Kyubey's reply.  
  
    "Technically, I haven't. In fact, none of us have. Homura is an anomaly, we have no records of  
ever contracting with her. We suspect that she made a wish of another non-standard type, however we have  
insufficient data to draw a conclusion. On the subject of Homura, we reccommend you direct any further  
questions to her. Despite her eccentricities, she is most likely the most suitable magical girl for any  
questions you might have. I understand that you learned most of the basics of witch-hunting from Mami  
and Kyouko, and the rest should come to you by instinct. I have to attend to a potential contractee so I  
will be unable to answer any more questions."  
  
    With that said, or perhaps "thought," Kyubey was gone. Sayaka simply lay against her bed for  
several minutes trying to wrap her head around how different she felt. Such a small thing, the gem.  
Smaller still when it was a ring. And yet it was called a "soul gem." As much as she tried to push it  
out of her mind, the wish pulled it back up. Kyubey certainly didn't tend towards poetry. That left an  
uncomfortably large chance that the name was literal. There was nothing to be done for it now. At least  
the gem was easy to take with her. She would have prefered it to be less conspicuous. She would simply  
have to hope a thief didn't take too much interest in her ring.  
  
    According to Kyubey, she should learn by instinct. And yet, as she focused within herself,  
Sayaka couldn't determine exactly what her power was. It was certainly present, yet somehow indistinct.  
Perhaps that was one of the complications that had been mentioned. She could feel her equipment within  
her soul, somehow. She reached her thoughts deep inside herself and suddenly felt an irresistable urge  
to do a little dance with her eyes closed. When she opened them again, she was dressed in what strongly  
resembled the characters in spy films.  
  
    She had a formal black trench coat, with white and blue trim, over a black vest over a white  
dress shirt. To her dismay, her wish and soul had conspired to leave the undershirt unbuttoned and her  
navel exposed. To make it worse, her soul gem was pierced into her navel. Not only was it a bit  
embarassing, it was a critical weakness. Also, she didn't have a piercing before she transformed. She  
wondered if the hole would stay. She buttoned the shirt, but found she preferred it untucked. She had a  
tie the same blue as her soul gem, and a white skirt which slanted down towards her left leg. In  
addition to the skirt she also had a pair of black formal pants. She had also been dressed in  
comfortable yet sturdy black boots and gloves which went just past the elbow. Her socks were also black,  
and ended just above the knee. Her gloves, socks, and underclothes looked vaguely like an outfit she'd  
seen martial artists wear. Wherever her soul had picked up the design, she was glad to have gotten more  
support than Tomoe. She realized that she was also wearing a pair of sleek black sunglasses which  
didn't seem to impair her vision in the slightest. Despite the heavy appearance of the clothing, Sayaka  
felt pleasantly light and cool. She wasn't really sure why she'd ended up with so much black or why her  
soul seemed so intent on showing off her navel, but other than that she was quite pleased with the  
outfit. Closing her eyes and focusing for another brief moment, she found herself holding what appeared  
to be a variant on the type-99 arisaka rifles she'd learned of studying history. Though it had a bolt,  
it didn't appear to load or fire ammunition. On the more cosmetic side of things it shared her the  
colour scheme of her outfit and, in place of the chrysanthemum, had an etching of her soul gem.  
  
    Satisfied with her equipment, but still puzzled by her inability to determine her magic, Sayaka  
returned to her nightclothes. She was far too excited to go to bed, so she resolved to treat herself to  
an early breakfest. Her foot, mid-step, seemed to be taking far too long to hit the floor. She felt that  
familiar tension in her stomach that always came when she missed a step. In an all too unfamiliar way,  
the world seemed to become far too still for a single instant. In a single instant more it lurched away.


	2. Chapter -2: An Unexplained Trend

    Dismas woke again with a slow sigh. He hadn't gotten a proper rest on his first night, and so  
now he was condemned to wake up several hours before the roosters. At least it let him have some time to  
think before the others rose. What had happened this time? He had been going through the ruins of the  
Darkest Estate with Reynauld, Junia, and Jingles. They had passed a strange altar, and Reynauld had put  
his torch closer to investigate it. The torch had been snuffed and the party thrown into disarray.  
Jingles had slowly bled to death during the beast's death throws, and Junia had been slain by some  
foppish skeletons. It was a shame, she handled the stress quite well. Without her calming presence,  
Reynauld was driven to a heart attack. After that Dismas had fought alone and been shot from behind,  
unable to complete their quest.

  
  
    He would have to see what had happened to the other groups at the next meeting, but for now he  
busied himself making diagrams of the altars and creatures they had encountered. The value of  
organization and cooperation had quickly been affirmed, and now data exchange was among the highest  
priority goals of the Adventurers. When death is cheap and every cycle clears their wallets, the mind  
and soul are about the only things left. It would likely be a few hours before the Houndmaster would  
awaken, but the Occultist tended to perform his rituals much sooner. Depending on how long it had taken  
Dismas to draw up his charts, the rituals might even be done for the morning. Dismas dressed himself,  
rolled up his parchment, and went to see Alhazred.  
  
  
    Alhazred was, as expected, just beginning to put away his ritual supplies. As the scent of heavy  
incense began to fade from the air, he explained to Dismas what he knew of what had happened. The  
Houndmaster had, due to great misfortune, been struck down by bandit gunmen on their first encounter  
with the scoundrels. Unfortunately, Alhazred was unable to recount much more of the tale as he had  
shortly after been stunned and bled to death from his injuries. Paracelsus and Baldwin would likely know  
more. Unfortunately, they tended to stay in the medical ward for several hours on the first day and had  
been greatly displeased with any interruptions in past cycles. As Dismas turned to leave, Alhazred  
called him back.  
      
    "I've noticed an interesting trend in the local magic." Alhazred started to explain, his voice  
tinted slightly with his lingering accent and much more strongly with his concern. "There is magical  
pressure is pushing inwards, towards the hamlet, as well as a pressure outwards from the Dungeon. That  
situation is as it always has been. What troubles me is that the inwards pressure has been increasing at  
the beginning of each cycle. Something outside our prison is growing magically stronger. At first the  
pressure increased so slowly I could hardly notice. It was so small that it seemed a natural variance. I  
had only slight concerns, and so I was hesitant to draw a conclusion. And now..." The Occultist drew a  
slow breath before finishing. "This cycle, the pressure increased greatly. Whatever the source is, it's  
far away from us. But it is acting outside of time as we are. Worse, the growth is accelerating. I'll  
announce it at the meeting, though I fear it may only further despair."  
  
    "Perhaps Katherine will know more about this," Dismas replied, after many moments of thought.  
His manner was kept cold only because of the habit born from years of intimidation. "Though I also find  
myself doubting our ability to do anything about it, she may at least be able to identify it. There is  
little it could do to break us that has not yet been done." After a few more moments of silence, Dismas  
left.  
  
  
    Dismas had never gotten used to the soup at the tavern. Watery beer, uncomfortable beds, and poor hygiene were  
all things that Dismas was used to before he embarked on this adventure. He was capable of hunting for  
himself, so poor food hadn't been much of a problem for him. Even the rations were fine, but the soup  
was terrible on a level he hadn't experienced before or since. It didn't even have a distinct enough  
taste for him to get used to it. There were many reasons why the Mercenaries made infrastructure the  
first goal of each cycle, and the soup was a strong one. He quite liked comfort and luxury, of course,  
but he didn't depend so heavily on working plumbing as the Leper, Grave-Robber or Plague Doctor. They  
had managed to set up a full aqueduct and sewage system for the Hamlet, once. That was among one of the  
most disappointing deaths, and they had never quite managed to reach that level of comfort again. He  
forced himself to finish the soup, as he always did, and decided that he would once again volunteer for  
the first raid into the ruins. Katherine usually went along during the first few weeks, but he wasn't  
sure if she would be helping Alhazred with his experiments instead. Reynauld had been quite troubled by  
the end of the last cycle, so he would likely stay behind to recover. Perhaps Boudica could serve as the  
muscle for the expedition then. Of course, they would have to wait for the requests to be posted before  
venturing out.  
  
  
    The system of requests and rewards was among the stranger aspects of the repeating cycle,  
alongside the changing landscape. The quests posted on the board were different even at the very  
beginning of any given cycle, and no small effort had been made to find out why. The Mercenaries  
suspected the requests changed for the same reason the Darkest Estate changed it's layout, whatever that  
reason might be. Supplies from outside the Estate also tended to vary, and that was concerning due to  
the great difficult they had in influencing anything outside the Hamlet. The changes to imports were  
what made clear the fact that something other than the Mercenaries was changing things, even more than  
the Estate itself. After all, a crawling mess of corruption and dark magic could very well change. A  
shipment of French supplies sent long before the cycles began should have remained constant. And yet it  
hadn't. There were other things, of course, far more minor but still confusing. Were it not for the  
situation Dismas was in, he would have called it maddening. Now it was but a mere quirk of the Estate  
among many far more sinister secrets.  
  
      
    With a light groan and a heavy stomach, Dismas moved to the center of the Hamlet to begin the  
meeting.


	3. Chapter -3, "Some kind of magical brain damage"

Miki Sayaka's foot didn't meet the ground as she expected. First, she was blinded by an utterly unexpected light. Second, only half of her foot was on solid ground even after landing. Third, her balanced was disrupted by the addition of a heavy backpack and the replacement of the clothes she had been wearing. By the time she overcame her confusion enough to process her surroundings, she was already on the ground at the bottom of the stairs, with a twisted ankle and a bloodied nose. The pain in her ankle vanished suddenly at the same time as she became aware of a gentle hand on her shoulder.

  
    "Excuse me, are you all right?"

  
    Sayaka knew that voice, she had never expected to hear it again.

  
    "Tomoe-senpai, you're alive?" Sayaka responded brightly, pulling herself to her feet. Her mind was racing with thoughts and her heart with emotions. _"How did I get here? Teleportation wouldn't account for the completely different clothing and the backpack. This looks like the school. A labyrinth, maybe? This looks too normal for the ones I'd seen before, but I wasn't a magical girl then. It would explain why Tomoe dissapeared if she had been stuck in one. No, I should have noticed a labyrinth. I was told that magical girls could sense them, and she had no reason to lie to me. Maybe I can only sense them if I'm actively searching? But then why can't I sense anything now? Perhaps-"_

  
    Sayaka shook herself out of her thoughts when she realized that she had completely ignored the reply.

  
    "I'm sorry Tomoe-senpai," Sayaka apologized. "But I spaced out a bit there, I can't figure out how I ended up in this labyrinth."

  
    At that, Tomoe Mami looked quite confused.

  
    "I didn't know there were any other magical girls in Mitakihara besides myself, and I can understand why it would be confusing. But we're not actually in a labyrinth. If you're a magical girl I should tell you that I did a little to help with your ankle after you fell, it looked pretty bad. Maybe you sensed that, and that's why you thought we were in a labyrinth? Once you actually fight a witch you'll learn that their magic feels much different than ours. But going back a bit, why did you think I was dead?"

  
    "You disappeared during a witch hunt and were gone for weeks. I hadn't seen you until now. But if we aren't in a labyrinth, how come you're trapped here and I was pulled in?"

  
    Tomoe Mami looked even more perplexed that she was before. Her eyes briefly flicked to Sayaka's soul gem ring and noted that the colour was a clear blue lacking in corruption. That knowledge only seemed to make her more uncertain.

  
    "You weren't pulled anywhere, as far as I can tell. You were walking down the hallway and then you fell down the stairs. And I'm not trapped at school, either. Have we met? I hate to be rude, but I can't remember you at all and you seem quite confident that you know me."

  
    Sayaka plunged herself back into frantic thought at this. _"I clearly don't have enough information to what's going on here. Tomoe was quite willing to help me and Madoka even before I became a magical girl. She doesn't remember me, so perhaps she was wounded by a witch and lost too much magic or something? Can that happen? She'd probably help me again, and then she might be able to tell me what magic could have brought me into the school. Wait, the location isn't all that's wrong, the time is completely different too. It was before dawn, now it's  Maybe my memory is the one that's damaged. No, my wish should have stopped that. At the very least, if somebody tried to mess with my mind I should have felt some warning. I need help with this."_

  
    "I'm sorry Tomoe-senpai. My name is Miki Sayaka, and I'm very confused. As you can tell, I'm quite new to being a magical girl and I really need some help. I think something might be messing with my head, or yours. Can I meet you after school and learn more about being a magical girl?" Sayaka pleaded, hoping she'd manage to rekindle the friendship she thought she had with the older magical girl. Sayaka felt a little bad about playing with Tomoe's friendly nature, but she didn't intend to do anything wrong.

  
    "Yes, I think that would be a good idea. Can you meet me outside the front gate after school ends?" Tomoe Mami replied, after a few moments of unsettled contemplation. Sayaka eagerly expressed her thanks before she took her exit, her train of thought rapidly switching rails. Better to switch rails a bit too quickly than to derail, after all. Unless her thoughts ran into another train, which they did shortly after she made it to class.

  
    Besides anger at Hitomi and restlessness at having to sit in a class with everything going on, Sayaka was confused at the abscense of Akemi Homura. She'd seemed the picture of health, and a magical girl on top of that. Perhaps there was some overlap. When Sayaka asked, she recieved quite a troubling response.

  
    "I didn't know you and Akemi-san had known each-other. She has been enrolled, but she can't start school until she gets permission from the hospital. Perhaps she was just a bit too excited when she told you?"

  
    The answer did quite a successful job shattering Sayaka's idea of what was going on. It lent a bit of support to her memory loss idea, but this was far beyond Tomoe Mami. Nobody knew that Akemi was supposed to be here, and even Hitomi was acting like nothing had ever happened between them. Sayaka ran out of the classroom. Perhaps not the most dignified of exits, but who cared about dignity when everybody had some kind of magical brain damage? She reached for her phone. Sure, she had no way of explaining how she knew Tomoe's phone number, but there were more important things going on. She only had the certainty of her wish to confirm that she was still thinking clearly, that everyone else was wrong. Unless her wish was a delusion too but- _"No. Thinking that way won't get me anywhere. I have to assume I'm thinking clearly or-"_

  
    Her thoughts stopped again. The date on the screen of her phone read the sixteenth of May. She fumbled nervously through her time settings. Automatic, so it hadn't been set back by mistake or as a joke. Could the information her phone was getting be wrong? She ran into the nearest classroom and looked at the calander. May 16th. Her mind wouldn't let her call it impossible. Or rather, her mind would have called it impossible were it not held in check by her wish. But there had to be some reason, her wish had nothing to do with time travel. And the magic it would take to do something like this had to be extraordinary. Her panic faded just enough for a single memory, her jumbled mind clearing a path for that one single thought brought forward by her wish.

  
_"Homura is an anomoly." Kyubey had told her. 'We have no records of ever contracting with her."_

  
    Time travel. Worse, this wasn't the first time it had happened. At best, it was the second. And Sayaka had no way of knowing just how many lifetimes she'd already forgotten. Was this Akemi's wish, or was she simply able to remember as Sayaka now could? It was nearly unthinkable that one girl could have enough power to reset time, even with a wish. Doing it more than once seemed... Again, her mind wouldn't let Sayaka call it impossible. She had wandered outside of the school, and was sitting in a dazed lump on the grass.

  
_"Time travel," Sayaka finally thought. "I need to figure out how and when- Ha, when. Like that matters anymore. Anyway, how and when it happens are the two most important questions right now. How it works and what it does are important too. And there's only one person I can ask for any part of that. I'll need to wait for Akemi Homura."_


	4. Chapter 0 : a Second Chance to Make Some Moves

Of course, Sayaka hadn't been one for waiting even in much calmer times. It would be at least two more hours for Tomoe to get out of school, far too long to sit around in a situation like this. Sayaka pushed herself to her feet and resolved to be back in time to meet Tomoe Mami. Before that, she would try to figure things out for herself. The first thing she could do on her was to figure out how her powers worked; that meant looking for witches. There was a bridge within walking distance of the school, rumored to be haunted. There had been quite a few suicides there. It seemed like a good place to start.

  
    Before Sayaka had made it even halfway, her phone buzzed. An email from Madoka. Madoka had wondered why Sayaka had ran out like that, and expressed concern. Sayaka wrote a vague response and implied an illness. She hated lying, especially to Madoka. The girl was so naive it was almost sickening. It was funny, given how often in the last timeline Sakura had said similar things about her. She finished with a few reassuring sentences and sent the email. Pocketing her phone, she continued her walk towards the bridge.

 

  
    The ground was changing. It was slowly blending into a sort of mosaic, and her soul gem had felt a heavy tingle since Sayaka had passed the last three blocks. At the very least, it confirmed that her soul gem worked. She gentle rubbed the sole of her shoe on the patterned ground. A few steps further, and Miki Sayaka was within a realm of nauseating colour and impossible proportions. In front of her an arch rose from the earth, and a creature that looked to be made of scrawls on paper stumbled towards her. Sayaka transformed, and a single shot from her rifle blew the creature away. _"Not the witch then,"_ Sayaka thought, as she peered around the vast and rolling space. She saw nothing but the arch, and more of the creatures which were now coming through it.

_"No, focus,"_ Sayaka berated herself. _"There's something on top of the arch. It's hard to see, but that seems like the best target."_  
    Fortunately this witch seemed particularly weak; her familiars were too slow to reach Sayaka before they were gunned down. With a moments reprieve, Sayaka aimed at the figure. _"One shot left, if this works like the normal version. I don't know how to reload this thing, since it doesn't actually fire normal bullets. That is, if it needs to reload at all. I should have tested this before I went into a labyrinth."_ A deep breath later, the figure was blown away into a burst of black and blue sparks. The mosaic gave way to normal road soon after, and Sayaka was left standing in the middle of the road dressed in a silly outfit with an illegal rifle. She decided it was in her best interest to leave and untransform, but not before she picked up the grief seed.

  
  
    As Sayaka walked back the school, she was proud and hopeful. Kyubey had said that this wish was very unexpected. So far, unexpected seemed a lot better than Kyosuke. Sure, not knowing how her power worked was a bit of a pain, but she was doing fine so far. Hadn't even been touched at all, actually. Her silly childhood dream of being a hero for justice might actually work out at this rate. And she could always woo him the old fashioned way, now that she had a second chance to make some moves before Hitomi made hers. Well, given the time loops it was probably quite a bit more than the second chance. Still, semantics aside, everything was working out quite well indeed.  
    Sayaka was still troubled that she didn't know how or why, but this time loop had only done good things so far. Of course, that didn't make the wriggling suspicions in the back of her mind any less concerning. She settled back down on the grass in the front of the school and waited as patiently as she could manage.

  
  
    After meeting with Tomoe and making some more excuses to Madoka, Sayaka agreed to go on patrol with Tomoe and talk. For the most part, Tomoe wanted to figure out what Sayaka had been rambling about. She checked Sayaka for the mark of a witch and found nothing and confirmed again that Sayaka's soul gem was mostly clean. After that, it was decided that the best way to see what Sayaka could do was to fight some familiars with Tomoe there to help. When Sayaka explained that she'd already killed a witch and hadn't learned anything about her magic, Tomoe was confused again.

  
    "You told me earlier today that you had just contracted," Tomoe began, startled. "And now you're telling me you killed a witch by yourself without a scratch? You barely even used any magic. I suppose that might be why your power hasn't made itself clear to you yet, but it's still very surprising that you'd do so well."

  
    "Well, I suppose. But if I don't know how to use my magic, how would I have used it to kill the witch in the first place?" Sayaka queried.

  
    "Normally you learn new magic by instinct when you need it, or by experimenting with powers you already have. When I started I could only make ribbons, but I learned to weave simple guns out of them fairly early on. Maybe you should try changing up your equipment while you summon it, it might help you figure out what your power is. If nothing else, you'll probably end up developing some kind of new power anyway if you try long enough," Tomoe stopped advising to take a breath, but an idea came to her. "Actually, I've picked up a few powers over the years. Minor healing, weapon reinforcement, little tricks that are easy for most magical girls to handle. Why don't you try copying me after our patrol? You seem more than capable of handling yourself as it is, so I don't think we need to worry for this one."    

  
    "Sounds like a great idea," Sayaka replied. "But I do have one question: Is it possible to make your gem detect labyrinths from further away? I didn't notice anything until I was already right on the edge."

  
    "Good news and bad news," Tomoe replied. "It's possible to get more range, but you have to specifically focus on it and it's still rare for a magical girl to get more than double what she had already. With a range as short as yours, I don't think it would be much help. I'll show you the technique anyway, if you'd like."

  
    And so the patrol went on.

 

  
    After the patrol, Sayaka surprised Tomoe Mami with the incredible rate at which she took control of healing magic. Minor healing was a staple for magical girls, but the control and speed Sayaka demonstrated was as if it had been her native talent.

  
    Tomoe was more suprised than Sayaka was. In truth, Sayaka had guessed that her talent was not for mental magic very soon after making her wish.

  
    " _After all,"_ Sayaka supposed, _"the incubators said that this type of wish was unexpected from me. My magical affinity was almost certainly something else. Although it raises the question of whether they knew my affinity would be for healing, if they learned there were some types of magic I wasn't suited for, or if mind magic is just rare in general and they generally don't plan for it. More clearly, this supports the idea that factors other than a wish can affect somebodies' magic. Of course, there are so few magical girls that it's hard to say anything for certain. Even if all of us in the world agreed to work together, we might not have enough solid information to figure out how the incubators set this system up._

  
    It became clear that, despite her stunning progress with healing magic, Sayaka was not a true power-copier. However, she was proving to be quite versatile. She also had great, but lesser, successes with reinforcing her body to be stronger, faster, and more durable. She found it by far the most difficult to sucessfully enchant objects. Sayaka struggled to cut through even a single one of Tomoe's ribbons with a knife Sayaka had enchanted to the best of her ability. Sayaka had also failed to copy Tomoe's ribbon creation, but that was to be expected. Successfully replicating another magical girl's power to any degree is difficult even among veterans, and those who have a talent for copying powers are considered the most dangerous of magical girls for that reason. She also learned minor tricks such as the ability to block certain senses, sustain her body with magic, or to clean and style oneself. That particular trick went a long way to explaining how Tomoe Mami could manage to keep her hair in check.

  
    Sayaka was troubled by some of these powers. Not only was sustaining the body entirely off of magic very dangerous simply due to the risk inherent in expending magic,  but the fact that one could simply block off senses seemed far to specific to have been included by accident. If magical girls were to be warriors against witches, why include the ability to handicap themselves? Perhaps as a very circumstantial defense against witches which bombard the senses it would be permissible. Worst by far is something which Sayaka made a conscious decision not to ask her senpai about. She suspected Tomoe wouldn't like to think about it.

  
     _"We always lose a small bit of magic. Leakage, perhaps. But the incubators should be too precise to allow for something like that, especially if their goal is energy collection. Perhaps the incubators are taking it, but why? They gain their energy from wishes and expended grief seeds, as far as I can tell. Causing magical girls to lose magic would go against their goals. Back to the point : magical girls are always losing a very minor amount of magic. But when we block off our senses, we lose less. Perhaps we lose more indirectly due to an inability to defend ourselves, but in a direct relationship we lose less magic with less senses. If I were to completely block off all senses and even my own thought, I suspect my magic would last forever. What troubles me the most is that we're not using only our physical energy to think and perceive, but our magical energy as well. That means that something is draining our energy as part of the process. Given that the incubators hold no stock in emotion, I suspected that the name "soul gem" was more than fancy language. This lends an unfortunate amount of weight to my theory. It seems that the lost magic comes from the cost of our souls communicating with our bodies. In simple terms, we're simply piloting corpses from our gems. And in this case, the pilot and the fuel source are one and the same. I hope I'm wrong, but such a convoluted and unnatural system seems like exactly what an incubator would come up with."_

  
    Sayaka doubted that an incubator would openly admit to it or ever bring it up, but they tended to tell some form of the truth if directly questioned. Perhaps she should try asking Kyubey the next time he showed up. With these thoughts dancing around her mind, she thanked Tomoe Mami and cordially made plans to patrol together again. It seemed to Sayaka that the questions and answers were only getting more outlandish and troubling the longer she pursued them. Sayaka had wished away her old mind, but she didn't regret it. She knew she would have had the same determination to know the truth of her nature, but now she might actually be able to handle it. The philosophical question of what seperates thought from self stopped being so troubling to Sayaka once the existence of a soul was made clear. She was who she was and she always would be. She stopped to look at the darkening ring on her finger as she walked down the street.

  
     _"So long as this thing stays blue, anyway."_


End file.
